Learn to Say Goodbye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has be broken…I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn

Pain is a warning that something’s wrong
I pray to God that it won’t be long

There’s nothing left to try
There’s no place left to hide
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodbye

Learn to say goodbye I yearn to say goodbye.

Written by Madonna and Rick Nowels

Frozen

I feel frozen. Barely wanting to even move at times.

Why am I so afraid of decisions?

Why does, at times, this fear even takes over physically?

When I am like this the stillness is almost draining, as if I am being restrained in doom of moving.

I don't experience this all the time, but damn, when I do it really sucks.

So I sit and breathe until it passes.

Time Catching Up

Last night I spent 3 hours sitting and catching up with a dear friend. We met for coffee before a movie and ended up sitting chatting until we realized we missed the start of the movie. I simply love that. We don't see each other enough, but when we do, if it wasn't for the "...and then this happened... or ...I did this... or I've been..." statements that cover a large period of the past calendar, you would never know we weren't around each other all the time. We laughed deeply. We cried tenderly. We relate on a level that only truly honest people can do.

What an amazing life I have been blessed with to have such true friendships!

Wow - I am lucky.

SILENCE!!!!

AHH!!

A decision.

I made a decision today. WOW! How simple is that. A simple decision.

Now - the action, or should I say the follow through, that is where the decision shows it's worth. Funny how my decision involves non-action, or the action of restraint. Boy, trying not to doing something is hard!!!! But from this, I can give myself a chance to breath! To be happy for a day!

YEAH for decisions!

Make it Stop!

I want off this rollercoaster! Why is it that my life has to be an emotional rollercoaster? I have tasted serenity at times and it was good. That's all I want in life. Simple. Serene. Loved. Happy.

My life is in a very dark hour. No, it's not horrible. No, it's not at the end. BUT damn I would like to be at peace.

This rollercoaster is painful. Just when I think it is coming to an end or even just a lull in action, I am suddenly swung in rapid stream of peaks and valley, loops and corkscrews.

How long does this take? Why can't I just make the decision to get off?

Ramblings about Adam Lambert from an AI Junkie

Did you see the "oh so horrible" images of Adam. Seriously??!?!?! Can you smell my sarcasm?

Fantastic. That's what I say of the images. He is a very attractive guy and that picture of him at Burning Man is hotter than the dessert he is standing on. Guess what.... I am a married straight woman. I don't judge people by their personal lives, who they kiss, what they wear or how they talk. When it comes to American Idol I judge by talent and this boy has talent. He can sing, he can entertain, he's physical appearance is attractive - what else could you ask for. I am not sure I am saying I will take him to the end, more will be revealed, but for now, I say he has got it going on. The fact that onstage his persona is very ambiguous keeps me more intrigued. Look at WHAM - George Micheal - Freddie Murcury - David Bowie - Ricky Martin - Steven Tyler (in his prime) - they've all been admired by both sexes!! The mystery sometimes makes for a better performer. Even after seeing his pictures, heck I would still swoon over him if he walked in (and I am way too old to be saying that!!) the boy is amazing.

You go boy, get whatever votes you can. Little girl, Little boy, Gay, Straight, Grandma or straight up talent seekers!!!!